Part 3: How Childhood Shapes Our Shadow
The Shadows We Inherit
From a young age, we begin internalizing messages about what is acceptable and what is not. Much of this conditioning comes from our parents or caregivers, who, knowingly or unknowingly, pass down their own unresolved shadows. If a parent struggles with emotional repression, their child may learn to suppress their own feelings. If a parent fears failure, their child may develop perfectionistic tendencies to avoid the same perceived pitfalls.
As children, we adapt in order to receive love and approval. Traits that are rewarded are amplified, while those that cause disapproval are buried. Over time, this creates a split between our true self and the self we present to the world. Shadow work allows us to bridge this gap and reclaim the parts of ourselves we left behind.
Journal Topic 1: What Is One Trait I See in People That I Wish I Had?
Often, the qualities we admire in others reflect aspects of ourselves that we have neglected or repressed. By exploring these desires, we can begin to understand what parts of our shadow are yearning to be integrated.
Guiding Questions:
What is a specific trait I admire in others? (Confidence, playfulness, ambition, etc.)
Why do I believe I lack this trait? Where does this belief come from?
How would my life change if I embraced this quality in myself?
In what ways have I already shown glimpses of this trait without realizing it?
What is one small step I can take to embody this trait more fully?
Somatic Work Suggestion: Engage in visualization by imagining yourself embodying this trait fully. Notice how it feels in your body. Stand in front of a mirror and practice affirming statements that reinforce this quality within you.
Journal Topic 2: What Traits Do My Parents Have That I Hope I Don’t?
Our parents' fears, limitations, and behaviors influence us in ways we may not consciously realize. By examining the traits we reject in them, we gain insight into what we fear within ourselves.
Guiding Questions:
What are some behaviors or attitudes of my parents that I struggle with the most?
How have these traits affected me, both positively and negatively?
Do I see any signs of these traits within myself? If so, how do they manifest?
Am I rejecting these traits out of fear, or is there a way to transform them into something constructive?
How can I choose a different path while still honoring the lessons my parents have taught me?
Somatic Work Suggestion: Practice deep body release exercises, such as shaking or gentle movement, to release any tension or emotional weight that arises during this reflection. Follow with a grounding exercise, such as placing your hands on your heart and stomach, to create a sense of safety within yourself.
Childhood is where our shadows first begin to form, but as adults, we have the power to bring awareness to these hidden parts and reclaim our wholeness. By understanding what we admire and what we reject, we take the next step in integrating our authentic selves.
